A former Disney World skipper compares his experience on a simulated river cruise to the Rock’s. (Spoiler: They both carried guns.)
Photo: Frank Masi/Disney
In Jungle Cruise, Disney’s latest adaptation of one of its theme-park rides, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson plays an inexplicably brawny skipper named Frank, whose love of bad puns belies the fact that he is cursed to be trapped for eternity atop the Amazon River. Much of the movie revolves around Frank’s ability to pop off dad jokes while operating a tourist jungle cruise while also low-key trying to find a mystical leaf that will allow him to finally die. It is two hours and eight minutes long, and one of its characters is a man made entirely of bees. Our critic Bilge Ebiri did not enjoy Jungle Cruise, calling it a “mealymouthed CGI panderfest” that hurled him deep into the pits of Herzogian existential
